He had changed. I had changed.

I have tried writing my thoughts over and over again. Each time I delete them. I just don't really know what I want to say. The thoughts of Micah's death are still haunting me.

He is gone.

I keep thinking back to our childhood. I used to know him. Why and when did that stop? Why did we go our separate ways? I don't have the answers. I don't remember. I just feel like I missed out on continuing a relationship with someone just because the world told me we were on separate paths.

Screw the world.

Micah was a good person. We were different people, but that should have never kept us apart. I remember the last time I saw Micah. It was at church. I believe it was the summer of 2007. I hadn't seen him in a few years, probably since high school. Through our teenage years, we didn't really talk. We knew of each other because of our past, but we had somehow become just acquaintances by the time we graduated. But the last time I saw him, things were different.

He had changed. I had changed.

We had a small chat that day. I wish I could remember what we talked about. I don't. I very much remember that being the highlight of my day though. On that day, he showed me genuine kindness and interest. Up to that point, I had been somewhat bitter toward my teenage years. People didn't talk to me and I had few friends. I didn't have high opinions of most people I grew up with.

Talking to Micah that day changed my mind. I grew up surrounded by good people. Kids are kids. We could go off for hours about why no one befriended me or why I didn't break out and befriend others. The finger pointing could go back and forth all day. The fact is we were all decent kids.

As adults, we could now look past our differences and talk to each other. He was such a nice person. He was so friendly. It was that moment that I saw a touch of our childhood days return. Back when we didn't care what the world or other friends thought. We were all just kids playing.

The differences never matter when you are a kid.

And on that last day I saw Micah, the differences didn't matter to him. He took the initiative and spoke to me. Something I never would have done. He was the better man. I admired that. I regret not reaching out after that day.

I went home and never saw him again.

But that meeting stayed with me. I always noticed Micah had a love of life. He was passionate about everything he did. I noticed this even when we were no longer friends and just kids that went to school together. I was a people watcher in High School. I remember watching Micah. He was one of those kids I wanted to be like. Someone who you knew had a lot of friends because he was a good friend in return. He was such a positive person.

It's a shame it took death to make me reflect on these things. I can't go back in time as much as I wish I could.

Oh how I wish I could right now.

But I have learned valuable lessons. The last few days, I have reflected on my own life. I want to be remembered in a positive light just as Micah has been. There are things I am already committed to changing. I like to believe I have grown into the person I always dreamed of being. And for the most part that is true, but along the way I have picked up a few characteristics I never wanted. It's time to make a serious change for the better.

I need to be a better person.

I have higher standards then what I have been living. This is not all talk. I have realized with the death of Micah just how short life really can be. We all hear that. But when someone your age that you grew up with dies out of nowhere, and so young, you really understand how fragile life is. It could have easily been me. I could die tomorrow. It is a real possibility. It's not good to live in fear of dying each day, but living a good life so that you are prepared to die at any time is the way I need to start living.

Living for a zest for life, just as Micah did.