Farewell

I keep asking myself why my reaction has been so extreme. Years of this game has left me accustomed to this sort of outcome. And this certainly was not a complex case. Every red flag was raised early and raised high. Everything my gut would normally tell me to avoid was present and accounted for. When ignoring my instincts in the past, I have always at the very least cached an acknowledgement that they existed. This time around, I not only catapulted instinct and gut feeling to the side, but I completely annihilated them from my system. Somehow by just accepting the divergence from my self-assumed previous sanity, I
escorted myself into what seemed to be the most inherently normal and natural twitterpation cycle I have ever been exposed to.

I have been known to amplify attachment and infatuation too swiftly and with minimal study. I didn't do that here. No. This was a very casual progression of emotion. Was I in love? No. Was I falling? No. I was just savoring the way things were going. Everything was proceeding along so flawlessly that I imprudently assumed the progression would ultimately develop into falling, and potentially even the most forbidden of 4-letter words. I was not by any measure grasping onto those emotions just yet, however, for the first time in my life, I had accepted that road as a viable possibility. I was in an emotional mode of hope for uncharted territory in my heart. Never had I been headed down this path and been ready for it in the same moment. As it appeared, fate was finally determined to be on my side.

This is where karma swooped in and threw me into a whirlwind of frenzied emotion I had not foreseen. My previous fear of commitment has left many hurt and wounded hearts. The most dismantled heart among those is none other than my own. I had finally reached the breaking point and was ready to experience something absolute, but now I was on the receiving end of a soul who will walk down the same abandoned highway I travel. You trampled and crushed me. Picture perfect is a rare find. Giving it up because you can't conquer your own suspicion is senseless and idiotic. I know because I have been there. Time will pass by, maturity will conquer, and you will look back to find remorse and agony for the moments you can't restore. Nothing is more painful and distressing than the realization that your own foolish doubts have left you in a state of infinite secluded sorrow. Though you will likely not accept it, this knowledge is the only gift I leave you.

Farewell.