the losers.

I am currently sitting in my Computers and Art class. I am one of the teachers and am bored out of my mind. Today is a lab day, so my students just work on their assignments in the computer lab and I walk around and help them when they need it. In other words, I refresh my facebook page so many times it makes my fingers hurt. This leaves me valuable time to write in my ever-so-precious blog.

This morning I caught up on last night's Glee via Hulu. I never cease to be impressed by this show. It can be so outrageous and cheesy. So repetitive and karaoke. Yet, I can't get enough! I LOVE it. And I am not ashamed to admit this super cheesy comedy TV show has brought a tear to my eye FOUR times now. This new episode was about people with special needs or disabilities. To watch Sue go visit her sister with special needs and read to her just really got me. And then AGAIN when Kurt talks to his dad about the gay issue, I lost it.

Why does this silly show do this to me? Maybe because this show is sorta all about the losers. The people who aren't accepted by their peers. I relate to these people on SO many levels. My high school days were spent more or less all by myself. I didn't have friends. I was an outcast. Obviously, things are different now, but every time I look back, I can't help but feel a part of the hurt I used to feel each and every single day. I used to cry myself to sleep nearly every single night. This is not an exaggeration. I was so alone.

I don't blame anyone. I used to blame everyone else. Then I blamed myself for a long time. But I have realized blaming is useless. It doesn't matter why it happened, but it happened. I owe a large part of who I am today to those lonely years. As horrible as they were at the time, I learned some valuable lessons and built a valuable aspect of my character. The entire situation made me more aware of people. I can't help but feel hurt when I see someone alone. I see people getting picked on and it hurts me on a personal level. I can put myself in that situation because I spent my ENTIRE childhood in those situations. Being alone all those years made me a much more understanding and compassionate person.

With that said, it kills me to watch it happen to others. There must be a better way to learn compassion then by being secluded, made fun of, picked on, and drowning in tears each night. I can't stand to watch people going through what I went through. No one deserves that. Everyone needs a friend. Everyone.