VERY quick update from my VERY homeless life. (no really)

As most of you know by now, I am currently homeless. I live in my car. It's been over a week and things have been going more smoothly then I expected. Living in a car is really pretty easy. I have been lucky though. I have the most amazing friends in the world. I have been able to sleep on a couch or bed nearly every night. People have fed me. People have sheltered me. It's been great. I have actually learned a lot. I was so naive before this experience. I am surrounded by people who truly care for me! I didn't realize that until now. 

So this is just a quick shout out to all of you who have been helping me in any way. I love you all so much! Thanks for making this experience so great! I will only be homeless for a few more weeks and I think it will be very rewarding! 

Love you all!

Swimming in $#*t? Not me.

So I just finished my last homework project of the semester. Tomorrow, I will present my portfolio at the Senior BFA Show and then I am done for this semester! This has by far, been the busiest 4 months of my life. With 18 credits and essentially 2 jobs, I have had little time for much else. But, it's actually been a REALLY good semester. I feel like I have accomplished a lot and defeated the monster! There were times I literally was not going to get things done, but somehow it always magically worked out. It may have meant several sleepless nights, but it worked out. 

I remember the week Jason, our Disney recruiter from Orlando, came to campus to do our big Disney presentation. It was right before spring break and midterms were that same week. I went over 60 hours with ZERO sleep in that week. Total I probably ended up with 6 hours of sleep that entire week! I look back and have no idea how that was even possible! I still can't believe I survived all of this.

I am just now starting to see the rewards for my hard work this semester. Last week, I was accepted for an internship with the Traverse City Film Festival this summer. I am thrilled to have received an actual Graphic Design position!

Today I took my Stats final. I spend over 8 hours in the Library yesterday studying. And guess what? I think I pulled it off. I feel confident that I did really well of that test!

A few weeks ago, I received a Grant for next year. This was miraculous news. I have worked by butt off to make it through college and all I ever saw was a disappearing bank account and growing debt. News of this grant brought me to tears. If there was ever a time in my life when I needed financial help, this is it.

So life has a funny way of working itself out. I don't know how it happens, but it does. My life is far from perfect, but I have no desire to focus on the negative. What is the point? Enough shit happens, I don't need to spend my time swimming in it.

You should have seen this by now, but just in case you haven't. . .

If you haven't heard of Susan Boyle yet, you must be living under a rock. In just under a week she has become the WORLDS obsession. And for good reason. Watch this video and you will be amazed! I have watched it at least a dozen times. I absolutely love this woman!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

I love that the world has fallen in love with Susan! I first saw this video on Tuesday when it had just over 4 million views on YouTube. I immediately began telling people about this amazing sensation. By yesterday, everyone I know was talking about Susan Boyle. Last night while someone was texting me about Susan Boyle, I heard the Susan Boyle video being played in the apartment above me. This morning, a customer came into work raving about Susan Boyle. Today, I was sent a link to websites selling Susan Boyle T-Shirts among other things. Oprah asked Susan Boyle to be on her show. Susan Boyle, you have become an international superstar faster then anyone in history! I love it!

One Second of Breath

There is not a whole lot to report on in my life. I FINALLY got an interview for an internship. It was a phone interview and I honestly don't know how it went. It was a very relaxed interview. We went over the description of the interview and the program, but she never actually asked me any of the typical interview questions. I don't know if this is a bad thing or a good thing. I know I didn't say anything stupid, so I am hoping for the best!

This last weekend was Easter weekend. On Friday night, I went to a Rock Band party in my apartment building. Then a big group of us went up the canyon and created a mini bonfire. We cooked hot dogs and roasted marshmallows. It was actually a BLAST! Most of the time, I really hate that there is nothing to do in Logan. However, nights like this remind me how fun this place can actually be. I am going to miss certain aspects of Logan when I leave. Nights up the canyon will definitely be one of those aspects.

I worked on Saturday where I had the most fun I have had at that job in probably close to a year. We got into an ice cream war and I left work covered in rocky road ice cream. Needless to say, I had some laundry to do.

After cleaning up, I left to Salt Lake City to visit some friends. We had a ton of fun that night. I actually met Britney Spears while we were out! Well. . . sorta. I do have the picture to prove it.

I then drove home to American Fork to spend Easter Sunday with the family. I went to church with them. It was interesting to see people from my childhood and have fake conversations with all of them. They never cared about me growing up, but now they all want to know what I am up to. People are interesting. I am not bitter or complaining. It was good to see people and talk to them. I just find human behavior intriguing at times.

Later that afternoon, we had dinner. It was amazing! I miss having home-cooked meals. It was so good to be able to spend time with my family. I love playing with the kids now too! I was trying all afternoon to take a nap, but my niece, Emilee, and nephew, Matthew, seemed determined to stop that from happening! It was fun though! I love being around little kids. They force me to remember a time when life wasn't so complicated.

I drove back to Logan Sunday night and have been going nonstop since then. Finals are in a couple weeks and I have a lot to get done before then. Combine that with increased hours at work, and you have one busy Curtis. Once I make it through these next two weeks, I can officially celebrate and breath for a second. I can't wait for that second. It's my last remaining motivation. That one second of breath.

What if the real world wont take me? Then what?

I decided today, that I need to do better at keeping up with these blogs. I was going to update my design blog tonight, but am being too lazy to scan in all my sketches. So I figured I could at least update this blog.

There is not too much going on in my life right now. I am staying pretty busy with school, but I am okay with that. Things have slowed down a little now that my Disney recruiting for this semester is almost over. I have been able to focus more on my design projects, which has been great. They keep me busy, but I love working on them.

Earlier today, I was looking up classes for Fall semester. I can't believe I am planning out my last semester of college EVER! It's been such a long journey to get to this point. When I graduated high school, I never imagined I would still be in college 6 years later. The last 6 years have taught me to not take my life plans too seriously. Things never go exactly as planned. I have also learned that it is that exact reason life is so wonderful.

Last week, I found a place to live in the fall. I am moving in with my old roommate Tim Ray and some other guys into a house. Yes! An actual house! I am stoked for that. It's going to be tons of fun. I have decided since my time left in Logan is actually pretty short, I really am determined to take advantage of all this little town has to offer. It's not the typical college town, but it definitely has some advantages. I plan on immersing myself in the Logan culture the rest of the year. There is so much here I have never done and I don't have a whole lot of time to do it all.

Time.

That  brings me to my next subject. There are less then 4 weeks until the end of the semester. I still have no internship set up. In fact, I don't have any job set up. In other words, I am screwed. I have no idea what I am going to be doing and that stresses me out a little. I have a couple options if an internship doesn't come along, but I don't really like either of them. So please pray that I get an internship. I have applied for over a dozen, but no luck so far. Today I actually applied for an internship with the Traverse City Film Festival. It's unpaid, but I still think it would be a great experience. Plus, my amazing friend Alix will be there! Me and her together for another summer pretty much equals FANTASTIC! And I will be closer to Kim too. I haven't seen her in almost 3 years, but she still completes me. haha. (inside joke).

If I get that internship, I kinda have a plan for the summer. I think I would be able to pull in off too. If I don't get that, it's an entire summer at Aggie Ice Cream or back to Disney. Staying for Aggie Ice Cream might just make me kill myself. That job has worn itself out. Sorry. It's fun, but I am burned out. A person can only scoop ice cream for so long before they start to lose their mind. Plus I feel like I am better then that now. I should be able to get an actual job. I am 23 years old and have talents that are NOT being used there. It's a great job while in school. It's convenient. But enough is enough. 

Going back to Disney would obviously be fun, but with their recent cutbacks, I am sure the hours would not be enough to get me through the summer. So both are bad options. I NEED an internship.

Really? That Long?

Okay. So today is the 31st of January. It was exactly 4 years ago today that my life began a journey that completely changed everything. I know, deep, right? Yeah, you guessed it. It was January 31, 2005 that I began my first day on the Disney College Program. But I have spoken enough about that. Everyone is sick of hearing the stories, so I will spare you for now. 

But this just got me thinking about how much my life has changed since that day. I am such a different person and am still in that changing process. But to see the steps I have made in the last 4 years is remarkable. Trust me, people I went to high school with would be in shock to know the person I am now. Its ALMOST night and day.

And so today, I celebrate life. I celebrate change. I celebrate friendships. I celebrate trials. I celebrate new places. I celebrate places from the past. I celebrate family. I celebrate Curtis. This is a good time to celebrate. I am just such a happy fellow these days. 

Well, that's all I really had. It's 2 a.m. and I quite frankly couldn't sleep so I came on here to ramble. It's been fun. Next time maybe I will have something important or at least funny to write.

It Is What I Am.

My life has changed a lot in the last few years. The most recent months of my life have been no exception. I have made decisions that have hurt a lot of the people closest to me. Contrary to what some believe, my decision to come out was not easy and it was not selfish. This was the most emotional, heart-wrenching decision of my life. The impacts are infinite. Nothing will ever be the same for me ever again. I know many of you are sad and/or disappointed that I have made this choice. i honestly don't know what to tell you. I could give a million reasons for why I think this is a good thing, but let's be honest, you wouldn't listen. it's not that you don't want to understand. It's just that you simply can't. For you, it is inconceivable that someone would give up so much. Everyone is entitled to their opinion about homosexuality. Whether it's a sin, a disease, a lifestyle choice, a biological defect, or whatever you chose to call it, it is what I am.

I wish everyone could know the emotions I feel. Because no matter how I say or write them, I will never do them justice. So instead of trying to convince you of my opinion of homosexuality and why I am gay, I just simply want to let you know who I am.

I would be lying to come out and say I am the same Curtis. Everyone always says that when they come out, but I don't buy it. I don't believe it. I am not the same person I was a few years ago. That person was scared and timid. I was living a lie and keeping deep secrets to myself hoping they would just go away or cure themselves. On the surface you didn't see it, but inside I was tearing myself to pieces every day. I cannot tell you how painful life was. It was a mistake to keep everything boiling up inside. That choice cause some serious damage. My pillow rarely saw a dry night. The thought of ending my life came far too close to transforming into action. The Curtis I am now is not the Curtis I was then. 

I can't say all my problems are gone or that they ever will be. However the person I am now is not afraid. I no longer keep all my emotions to myself. My life means something to me. I know I have purpose and potential. These are not traits that have appeared because I have chosen to come out as being gay. On the contrary, these traits led to me coming out. I don't want to be the person I used to be. He had some good aspects, but he was not himself. He was living a life only to please those around him. I promise to you i have not abandoned the positive aspects of that person. I have found that I can still be a good person AND be myself.

I still maintain a personal relationship with God. No one will EVER take that away from me. I recognize His hands in my life and am eternally grateful for all He has blessed me with.

I still love my family. Things with them are a little rough right now. I know this is hard on them. It would be extremely selfish of me to not acknowledge that this deeply affects them. I had a great childhood. I was raised in an amazing home. I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world. I will ALWAYS be here for my family regardless of our differences. I truly love them.

My friends are still extremely important to me. To those who are now uncomfortable with me, I just want you to know I still love you. I appreciate all the times we have shared and all you have taught me. my hope would be that our time together would continue, but I understand if you don't feel the same. I just want to thank you for everything anyway.

And for those of you who have stayed with me through all of this, I love you more then I will ever be able to express. I have needed you. I continue to need you. In those moments when I have lost all strength, you have picked me up and carried me through hell. I don't think you even know how much you have meant to me. Each of you! I sincerely mean that. If you are reading this and don't think it applies to you, I guarantee you are wrong. Trust me, the smallest of friendships have made some of the biggest impacts in my life.

I am still a dreamer and will never stop. I will pursue my dreams to the end. I am more determined then ever to make my life worthwhile. I want to leave my make and when this is all over I will have. Most importantly, I still love me a juicy burger and french fries!

My family, my friends, and whoever else may be reading this, I hope you understand I don't write any of this to make anyone feel bad for me. I don't need sympathy. I didn't write this to draw attention to myself. I wrote this in hopes that you might better understand why i decided to come out and most importantly, to let you know I still love you.

Curtis