#lovewins

In 1996, I was 11 years old and I heard a lot back then about the Defense of Marriage Act. See, where I grew up, this was a big deal. DOMA was a victory for America. It upheld our values and would ultimately protect us from downfall. A year earlier, my church had issued The Family: A Proclamation to the World. This proclamation was ingrained into my mind at that young age. That was just the way things were. Being gay was wrong and immoral, so we needed to stand up and protect ourselves. Everyone including my neighbors, my friends, my teachers, my church leaders, and my family stood up for what they believed. And they all believed this same thing. Marriage should be between one man and one woman. I heard no arguments from the other side. I had no choice but to believe what I was hearing. I trusted everyone else, because they had never lead me wrong before. To be clear, I was raised in a very decent and respectable community. The large majority of the values I learned growing up were truly good and made me a better person. I don't think anyone was intentionally hateful. And so I believed them. I went along with it. With every fiber of my being, I believed in DOMA. I believed being gay was wrong. All these good people around me believed it, so it must be true.

That 11 year old boy, however, was also dealing with things that no one knew about. Feelings that he couldn't explain. While it was pressed into my mind that being gay was immoral and wrong, I was fighting an unexplained attraction to the same-sex. This led to some serious self hate. I would beat myself up over these feelings I was having. I hated the person inside of me; the person that wasn't allowed to show himself. He was a terrible and evil person. I was the person my community and my own self were fighting against.

See, this wasn't just about letting gays get married. No, for me, DOMA contributed to a continued self-hate. When people at school called me names, I deserved it. When someone painted FAG across my 8th grade locker, I deserved it. When they made fun of me, I deserved it. When they pushed me, I deserved it. When they abused me, I deserved it. They didn't know I was gay, but I did. So I deserved it. Gays were not people, they were sinners. They didn't deserve what everyone else deserved. In my world, being called gay was the worst insult one could receive. There was no legitimacy to same-sex attraction.

17 years later, I woke up early to watch the Supreme Court decision with the man I love. I've come a long way from 1996. The law I once defended is now a law restricting me from rights. A law that not only takes away marriage, but furthers an anti-gay attitude in communities like the one I was raised in. A law that is now gone. I am emotional today, because for the first time in my life I have hope that all of my family, friends, and neighbors will recognize me as equal. Hope that they will be able to look passed the gay title and see that I am still a person equally deserving of love, life, and a family.

Somewhere today, an 11 year old boy in a Mormon community is struggling with his feelings. He doesn't know what to do because his world seems to be telling him that his feelings are wrong. But this morning, that boy can have hope for a better world. A world where he wont have to hate himself. A world where being gay doesn't mean he deserves to me treated differently than everyone else. His desire and yearning to love and be loved does not make him inferior.

Today I celebrate. One day I will marry the love of my life and we will raise a family. It's hard for some of my friends to understand how deeply emotional today is for us. It's hard because what we are fighting for is something that they have never had to fight for. What was given to you wasn't given to me. I've been fighting my entire life. So today I celebrate a large victory as I continue to fight for equality. For those who are upset today, know that this wont stop. It's time to open your hearts and question what it is you are actually fighting against. My love is a real thing. No one can take that away from me. And it's time you all start seeing that there is nothing that will stop me from loving. Love ALWAYS wins. The time has come to stop fighting it and see the reality. We love. You love. It's pretty simple.