My Top 250 Songs of the 00's!

Anyone who knows me well knows that I am obsessed with music. I own over 350 physical (legal) CD's. My iTunes library consists of about 5500 legally paid for songs. I bought my first album in December of 1999. So the majority of my music obsession has taken place during the 2000 decade. I have compiled a list of MY top 250 songs of the last decade. I started creating this list in September. It has taken a lot of time to get it just right. I individually filtered through each of the over 4,000 songs I own from the decade. Somehow I managed to cut it down to 250 songs. Each song was given a rank based on a number of factors including radio play, nostalgia, personal play counts, and of course my personal opinion. So here it is. Enjoy!

250. Waiting On The World To Change. John Mayer

249. What Would You Do. City High

248. Shake It Off. Mariah Carey

247. Try Again. Aaliyah

246. Can't Get You Out Of My Head. Kylie Minogue

245. One More Time. Daft Punk

244. Paralyzer. Finger Eleven

243. Hollywood's Not America. Ferras

242. Stutter. Joe

241. Happy. Natasha Bedingfield

240. Don't Let Me Get Me. Pink

239. 1985. Bowling for Soup

238. I Will Follow You Into The Dark. Death Cab For Cutie

237. Burnin' Up. Jonas Brothers

236. Crazy In Love. Beyoncé Feat. Jay-Z

235. Come Back To Me. David Cook

234. Come On Over Baby (All I Want Is You). Christina Aguilera

233. Thong Song. Sisqo

232. These Words (I Love You, I Love You). Natasha Bedingfield

231. Burn. Usher

230. Dance With Me. Debelah Morgan

229. All The Small Things. Blink 182

228. Can't Hold Us Down. Christina Aguilera Feat. Lil' Kim

227. Baby I'm Back. Baby Bash

226. Beverly Hills. Weezer

225. Already Gone. Kelly Clarkson

224. Butterfly. Crazy Town

223. Faded. SoulDecision

222. Bootylicious. Destiny's Child

221. Party Like a Rock Star. Shop Boyz

220. S.O.S. Rihanna

219 True. Ryan Cabrera

218. If You're Not The One. Daniel Bedingfield

217. Here Without You. 3 Doors Down

216. Love Don't Cost A Thing. Jennifer Lopez

215. Behind These Hazel Eyes. Kelly Clarkson

214. When It's Over. Sugar Ray

213. Lucky. Britney Spears

212. Ordinary Day. Vanessa Carlton

211. Soldier. Destiny's Child Feat. T.I. & Lil' Wayne

210. Like I Love You. Justin Timberlake

209. Heaven. Los Lonely Boys

208. Halo. Beyoncé

207. You're a God. Vertical Horizon

206. If You're Gone. Matchbox Twenty

205. Right Round. Flo Rida

204. The Time of My Life. David Cook

203. Leave (Get Out). JoJo

202. Unfaithful. Rihanna

201. Don't Trust Me. 3OH!3

200. Stay With You. Goo Goo Dolls

199. Blame It (feat. T-Pain). Jamie Foxx

198. Courage Is... The Strange Familiar

197. Shout to the Lord. American Idol Season 7 Finalists

196. Into The Ocean. Blue October

195. Life Is a Highway. Rascal Flatts

194. The Lucky One. Faith Hill

193. Live Your Life. T.I. Feat. Rihanna

192. Can't Fight The Moonlight. LeAnn Rimes

191. He Loves You Not. dream

190. Light The Fire Within. LeAnn Rimes

189. Soul Meets Body. Death Cab For Cutie

188. You And Me. Lifehouse

187. Gives You Hell. The All-American Rejects

186. Knock You Down. Keri Hilson, Kanye West & Ne-Yo

185. Harder To Breathe. Maroon 5

184. Swear It Again. Westlife

183. Big Yellow Taxi. Counting Crows

182. Blowin' Me Up (With Her Love). JC Chasez

181. I Try. Macy Gray

180. Time Won't Let Me Go. The Bravery

179. Heaven (Yanou's Candlelight Mix). DJ Sammy & Yanou

178. Who Knew. Pink

177. Lonely No More. Rob Thomas

176. Meant To Live. Switchfoot

175. Where Are You Going. Dave Matthews

174. Your Body Is A Wonderland. John Mayer

173. Give It To Me (Featuring Justin Timbelake & Nelly Furtado). Timbaland

172. Mercy. Duffy

171. Poker Face. Lady GaGa

170. Collide. Howie Day

169. Thank You. Dido

168. Love Story. Taylor Swift

167. I Wanna Know. Joe

166. Lifestyles Of The Rich And Famous. Good Charlotte

165. Gotta Tell You. Samantha Mumba

164. Starry Eyed Surprise (ft. Shifty Shellshock). Paul Oakenfold

163. Hear You Me. Jimmy Eat World

162. Until Yesterday. JC Chasez

161. All For You. Janet Jackson

160. Party In The U.S.A. Miley Cyrus

159. Beautiful Soul. Jesse McCartney

158. Never Had a Dream Come True. S Club 7

157. What A Girl Wants. Christina Aguilera

156. Break Anotha. Blake Lewis

155. Celebrate You. Corbin Bleu

154. Dilemma. Nelly Feat. Kelly Rowland

153. Battlefield. Jordin Sparks

152. When You Look Me In the Eyes. Jonas Brothers

151. Let's Dance to Joy Division. The Wombats

150. Never Again. Kelly Clarkson

149. Heartless. Kanye West

148. Hanging By A Moment. Lifehouse

147. American Boy (feat. Kanye West). Estelle

146. Get The Party Started. Pink

145. Circus. Britney Spears

144. Bring It All To Me. Blaque & *NSYNC

143. Ocean Avenue. Yellowcard

142. Dead And Gone. T.I. Feat. Justin Timberlake

141. Over You. Daughtry

140. Don't Forget To Remember Me. Carrie Underwood

139. I Don't Want To Be. Gavin DeGraw

138. Pieces Of Me. Ashlee Simpson

137. Independent Women, Pt. 1. Destiny's Child

136. Shut Up And Drive. Rihanna

135. Everytime. Britney Spears

134. Obsession (No Es Amor). Frankie J Feat. Baby Bash

133. Boom Boom Pow. Black Eyed Peas

132. Red High Heels. Kellie Pickler

131. Gotta Get Thru This. Daniel Bedingfield

130. The Middle. Jimmy Eat World

129. A Thousand Miles. Vanessa Carlton

128. Shape Of My Heart. Backstreet Boys

127. Crazy For This Girl. Evan & Jaron

126. Miss Independent. Kelly Clarkson

125. Unwell. Matchbox Twenty

124. Gimme More. Britney Spears

123. Just A Dream. Carrie Underwood

122. Dance, Dance. Fall Out Boy

121. Human. The Killers

120. Proud. Heather Small

119. Gone. *NSYNC

118. Womanizer. Britney Spears

117. Won't Go Home Without You. Maroon 5

116. Thnks Fr Th Mmrs. Fall Out Boy

115. Rockstar. Nickelback

114. Promiscuous. Nelly Furtado Feat. Timbaland

113. Here (In Your Arms). Hellogoodbye

112. Back At One. Brian McKnight

111. Makes Me Wonder. Maroon 5

110. Buttons. Pussycat Dolls Feat. Snoop Dogg

109. Amazed. Lonestar

108. Big Girls Don't Cry (Personal). Fergie

107. Girlfriend. Avril Lavigne

106. All Or Nothing. O-Town

105. Way I Are (Featuring Keri Hilson & D.O.E.). Timbaland

104. Anyway. Martina McBride

103. Rock Your Body. Justin Timberlake

102. Pocketful of Sunshine. Natasha Bedingfield

101. What's Going On? Artists against AIDS Worldwide

100. The Climb. Miley Cyrus

99. This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race. Fall Out Boy

98. No Air. Jordin Sparks & Chris Brown

97. Calling All Angels. Train

96. You Found Me. The Fray

95. Jumpin', Jumpin'. Destiny's Child

94. Here's To The Night. Eve 6

93. On The Way. Down Ryan Cabrera

92. Back Here. BBMak

91. All Summer Long. Kid Rock

90. Hurt. Christina Aguilera

89. Stronger. Kanye West

88. Leavin'. Jesse McCartney

87. A New Day Has Come. Celine Dion

86. Survivor. Destiny's Child

85. Angel. Shaggy

84. Blue (Da Ba Dee). Eiffel 65

83. Mr. Brightside. The Killers

82. Take a Bow. Rihanna

81. When I Grow Up. The Pussycat Dolls

80. Last Name. Carrie Underwood

79. The Remedy (I Won't Worry). Jason Mraz

78. LoveStoned. Justin Timberlake

77. Graduation (Friends Forever). Vitamin C

76. I Kissed a Girl. Katy Perry

75. See You Again. Miley Cyrus

74. 4 Minutes (feat. Justin Timberlake & Timbaland). Madonna

73. Smooth. Carlos Santana

72. Because Of You. Kelly Clarkson

71. Fallin'. Alicia Keys

70. Unwritten. Natasha Bedingfield

69. The Reason. Hoobastank

68. Irreplaceable. Beyoncé

67. Low (feat. T-Pain). Flo Rida

66. Just Dance. Lady GaGa & Colby O'Donis

65. Let's Get It Started. Black Eyed Peas

64. What Time Is It. High School Musical 2 Cast

63. Wait For You. Elliott Yamin

62. U + Ur Hand. Pink

61. Viva la Vida. Coldplay

60. Summer Love. Justin Timberlake

59. Dirrty. Christina Aguilera Feat. Redman

58. No One. Alicia Keys

57. Over My Head (Cable Car). The Fray

56. I'm Yours. Jason Mraz

55. Don't Cha (feat. Busta Rhymes). Pussycat Dolls

54. We Belong Together. Mariah Carey

53. Jesus, Take The Wheel. Carrie Underwood

52. Hot In Herre. Nelly

51. This Love. Maroon 5

50. Hey Ya. Outkast

49. Best Days. Graham Colton

48. Toxic. Britney Spears

47. Disturbia. Rihanna

46. She Will Be Loved. Maroon 5

45. Say My Name. Destiny's Child

44. What Goes Around.../...Comes Around. Justin Timberlake

43. With You. Chris Brown

42. Drops Of Jupiter. Train

41. No Such Thing. John Mayer

40. Breakaway. Kelly Clarkson

39. This I Promise You. *NSYNC

38. The Sweet Escape (Featuring Akon). Gwen Stefani

37. Flying. James Newton Howard

36. So What. Pink

35. We're All In This Together. High School Musical Cast

34. Hero. Enrique Iglesias

33. Forever. Chris Brown

32. My Life Would Suck Without You. Kelly Clarkson

31. Umbrella. Rihanna Feat. Jay-Z

30. Hollaback Girl. Gwen Stefani

29. Lady Marmalade. Christina Aguilera, Lil Kim, Pink, Mya, & Missy Elliot

28. Before He Cheats. Carrie Underwood

27. Everything You Want. Vertical Horizon

26. Home. Daughtry

25. Breathe. Faith Hill

24. That's The Way It Is. Celine Dion

23. Remember When. LeAnn Rimes

22. A Moment Like This. Kelly Clarkson

21. Don't Stop The Music. Rihanna

20. Cry Me A River. Justin Timberlake

19. Girlfriend. *NSYNC & Nelly

18. Beautifu.l Christina Aguilera

17. I Knew I Loved You. Savage Garden

16. You Ruined Me. JC Chasez

15. It's Not Over. Daughtry

14. Apologize (Featuring One Republic). Timbaland

13. It's Gonna Be Me. *NSYNC

12. Boulevard Of Broken Dreams Green Day

11. Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It). Beyoncé

10. Yeah! Usher Feat. Lil' Jon & Ludacris

9. Oops!...I Did It Again. Britney Spears

8. Wishes. Peabo Bryson & Kimberley Locke with Jim Brickman

7. Pop. *NSYNC

6. I Gotta Feeling. Black Eyed Peas

5. Bad Day. Daniel Powter

4. Bleeding Love. Leona Lewis

3. Where Is The Love? Black Eyed Peas & Justin Timberlake

2. Since U Been Gone. Kelly Clarkson

1. Bye Bye Bye. *NSYNC

the losers.

I am currently sitting in my Computers and Art class. I am one of the teachers and am bored out of my mind. Today is a lab day, so my students just work on their assignments in the computer lab and I walk around and help them when they need it. In other words, I refresh my facebook page so many times it makes my fingers hurt. This leaves me valuable time to write in my ever-so-precious blog.

This morning I caught up on last night's Glee via Hulu. I never cease to be impressed by this show. It can be so outrageous and cheesy. So repetitive and karaoke. Yet, I can't get enough! I LOVE it. And I am not ashamed to admit this super cheesy comedy TV show has brought a tear to my eye FOUR times now. This new episode was about people with special needs or disabilities. To watch Sue go visit her sister with special needs and read to her just really got me. And then AGAIN when Kurt talks to his dad about the gay issue, I lost it.

Why does this silly show do this to me? Maybe because this show is sorta all about the losers. The people who aren't accepted by their peers. I relate to these people on SO many levels. My high school days were spent more or less all by myself. I didn't have friends. I was an outcast. Obviously, things are different now, but every time I look back, I can't help but feel a part of the hurt I used to feel each and every single day. I used to cry myself to sleep nearly every single night. This is not an exaggeration. I was so alone.

I don't blame anyone. I used to blame everyone else. Then I blamed myself for a long time. But I have realized blaming is useless. It doesn't matter why it happened, but it happened. I owe a large part of who I am today to those lonely years. As horrible as they were at the time, I learned some valuable lessons and built a valuable aspect of my character. The entire situation made me more aware of people. I can't help but feel hurt when I see someone alone. I see people getting picked on and it hurts me on a personal level. I can put myself in that situation because I spent my ENTIRE childhood in those situations. Being alone all those years made me a much more understanding and compassionate person.

With that said, it kills me to watch it happen to others. There must be a better way to learn compassion then by being secluded, made fun of, picked on, and drowning in tears each night. I can't stand to watch people going through what I went through. No one deserves that. Everyone needs a friend. Everyone.

Happy Birthday Sesame Street

Sesame Street turned 40 years old today. So to celebrate, I collected some videos to remind us all of our younger days.







And my favorite: "This is kinda kinky, Earnie"

A Christmas Carol! Too soon?

This past weekend I went home to American Fork (for less then a day), but was able to see some of my family. Me, my parents, and Russell and Amber all went to see Disney's A Christmas Carol. It was actually an extremely well done movie. I recommend it. However, I am not quite sure if I am ready for the Christmas season yet. I loved the movie, but didn't really feel the Christmas spirit. Give me a few weeks. This is odd coming from the guy who used to start blasting his Christmas albums in early October! I don't know what's happened to me. I guess I am getting old. I blame everything on getting old now.

The rest of my weekend was awesome too. I had orientation at Best Buy on Friday. Looking forward to having a paying job again. I thought about it and I haven't received a paycheck since June. Since then, all of my jobs have been for free. It's no wonder I am out of money. Hopefully it all pays off in the long run.

Not much else new to report. I have noticed a lot of my friends in the last week have been having relationship problems. It must be the newest illness going around. Forget swine flu, the anti-love bug is in town. While I have no relationship to be crushed in the first place, it's been hard to watch good people split. It's sad.

But that's it for now. We are getting close to the end of the semester. I can't wait! One step closer to the end.

Over 6 hours in the UR Lab. . . losing my mind.

I haven't been very good at keeping up with this blog thing. I am working on an animation project on campus, and after 6 hours of sitting in front of this computer, I think it's tie to take a break. But first, I will update you all on my life really quickly.

I have been loving this semester of school. I have had so much more free time this year. I needed this relaxing semester after last year. I didn't sleep much at all last year, as many of you may remember. Working 2 jobs and 18 credits at school nearly killed me.

This year has been a huge contrast to that. I have cut back to just 12 credits and cut my jobs back to just one (Disney Campus Rep President). Sure, I am living on loan money, but it's been worth it. I normally wouldn't say that, but if I would have gone through another semester like last year, I don't think I would have physically been able to handle it.

So what am I doing? I have been working on my portfolio. I have been doing the Disney recruiting completely stress free this time. But, most importantly, I am having fun. I love my roommates this year. I am living in a house now. The 5 guys I live with are awesome. We have a ton of fun in our house. I honestly love it. It's possibly the best group of roommates I have ever had. And that's saying a lot, because I have had a couple pretty good groups.

My addiction to eating out (thanks Traverse City, MI) has forced me to get a job for the holidays. My loan money is almost gone. Whoops. So I start my job at Best Buy tomorrow. It's just seasonal for now and I don't think it will be bad at all. I look forward to a little spending money and hopefully some new friendships.

I just won a be with two of my roommates last night. We had almost gone 2 weeks without shaving. The first person to shave had to buy the others an item from the dollar menu at McDonalds. I totally won! And it felt sooooo good this morning to finally shave the scruff off. It was getting a little out of control.

It's getting cold. The last few days, the temperature has been up in the 4o's and it has felt like summer to me. That's how cold it has been! When the 40's feel warm, you have a problem. This will be my last winter in Logan though. I am thinking I might try snowboarding this year. I have never tried skiing or snowboarding and I might regret that in the future.

Speaking of cold, I am going to have to walk home in it now. Guess I better leave soon.

It was fun to update you all on my eventful life. I probably missed a lot because I am just rambling, but deal with it.

Until next time,

Adios.

Curtis

Curtis and POD-E (2004-2009)

I just wrote a long entry about love and life, then selected it all and deleted it. Instead, I will go for a lighter subject today.

I walked to class in beautiful 80 degree weather this morning. There was a little breeze, but overall a very nice day. So naturally, I was wearing shorts and flip flops. My class was a little over 3 hours. In those 3 hours, the weather had decided to change it's mind. I walked home in rain and freezing wind. I was soaked by the time I arrived back home, but this did not ruin my mood.

Why, you ask?

Well, let me tell you what was waiting for me at home!

My brand new iPod Touch!

I have been determined for two years that my old iPod needed to be replaced. But, financially it was a stupid idea to replace a semi-working iPod at the time. I told myself I could last two years. In 2009, when Apple releases the new iPods, I will allow myself to buy one. So I waited.

The day the new iPods were released this year, I placed my order.

My old iPod and I had some great times together. I called my old iPod POD-E (poddie). He was very good to me. POD-E and I were brought together 5 years ago. Back then, I was one of the very few people to own an iPod. People were jealous of POD-E. I would ride the bus home from work at Animal Kingdom and everyone would want to borrow POD-E. Especially the Asians. I was the cool kid as long as POD-E was with me.

POD-E quickly became not-so-cool. Within a year, everyone seemed to have an iPod. And their iPods were in color and could play video! However, I was faithful to POD-E and his old-school back and white screen. I didn't need pictures or video. All I needed was the music. So POD-E was a little chunkier then all the new iPods in town, but it didn't matter. I loved him the same.

At about the 3 year mark, POD-E reached maximum capacity. 20 GB of music! But I didn't give up. We dealt through our struggle. Whenever new music was bought, some old stuff had to be taken off POD-E. It wasn't easy, but we managed. By year 4, POD-E was showing serious signs of aging. Powering off at random moments. Skipping songs for no reason. Scroll wheel locking. Menu button malfunctions. The list goes on. POD-E was finally getting old and I had to realize that. It has been a rough road for us. I can't say I have always been the most gentle friend to POD-E. It is a definite love-hate relationship. But we have been there.

POD-E has traveled with me across the country. He has been with me through the worst of times and the best of times. Despite all the issues, POD-E always was there to lift my spirits with some good music.

The time has simply come for us to end our nonstop love affair. I will always have a deep love for POD-E. I will still visit him from time to time. This isn't a final farewell, but it is the end of a chapter.

POD-E, I will never forget the moments we shared. Thank you for every step.

Growing Up? . . . Nope. Never.

It's Thursday! That means we have made it passed the half way mark! This week is actually going by pretty quickly. I can't wait for it to be over though. The National Cherry Festival is in town this week and I am tired of the groups of teenagers hanging out on every corner downtown. I will miss the corn dogs and elephant ears though.

There isn't much new to report. I am getting settled in here. I am staying at The Whiting. I definitely recommend it. Very classy! No shower, holes in the wall covered up by vents, smelly bed sheets, windows that wont close, TV cable that has to be adjusted every two minutes, midget sized bed, creaky floors, strange neighbors, and so much more!

Work is going well though. I am enjoying it a lot. I love that I actually have a job where I am designing, not dishing ice cream or selling glow toys. I have a desk in the corner with my computer all set up. It's very legit. I almost feel like an adult. (Just without the paycheck).

This has been a crazy summer. I have been all over the map, but I am LOVING every minute!

Summer of Travels!!!!

It's been a while, so I figured you guys deserve an update on what's going on in my life right now.

After living out of my car for a month in Logan, I quit Aggie Ice Cream (forever this time) and took a quick trip to California with some friends. We stopped in Vegas for a night. It was really fun. Disneyland was awesome! Of course. I hadn't been there in 3 years, so it was good to go back. Disney World is still bigger and better, but the original will always be Disneyland.

After that trip, I left Utah again and drove out to Florida. On the way, I was able to stop in Iowa and visit with my friend Michael. I spent a day in Louisville, KY with Mattie. It was so good to see old friends.

The best surprise of the summer was waiting for me when I arrived in Orlando. The Scottish Twins, Steph and Kimbers, were there!!!! They planned a vacation to Florida and kept it secret from me. It was SO good to see them. We had a lot of fun while they were in town. We went to Miami for a couple days. Drama pretty much sums up that trip, but it was still a good time.

I was in Florida for 3 weeks. It was good to go back to work at Fantasmic! No matter how much I complain about it, I do miss it some days. I made a lot of new friends in the short time I was in town. It was extremely hard to leave. Every time I go back to Disney, I am tempted to never leave. But no one can live in that bubble forever.

I left Florida last Thursday. I was on the road in Georgia when I got the news that Michael Jackson had died. I have never considered myself a huge fan of Michael, but it hit me harder then I thought. I grew up listening to his music. I realized how big of an impact he had in my life as I listened to countless radio stations play his music over and over. I remember being stuck in traffic in Atlanta. It was maybe an hour after he had been confirmed dead. Traffic wasn't moving. I was listening to a station that was playing Michael and talking about him. I rolled down my window and heard the same station being played from the car next to me. Then I looked behind me. The lady was lip-syncing to the same song. As I turned down my radio, I heard numerous cars on the freeway playing Man in the Mirror in unison. EVERYONE was listening to this station. It was a moment I wont forget. I watched everyone around me in their cars as they listened to a man who had influenced their lives in some way or another. It was pretty awesome.

Anyway, I continued on to Chicago. I stayed there for a day with my friend Alix. Fun times! haha. Then Alix and I drove up to Traverse City, Michigan. That's where I am now. I started my internship yesterday. Its going well so far. I feel very legit. I have my own desk in my own corner. It's great! And that's my summer so far.

Hope you are all doing well! Miss you all!

Curtis

VERY quick update from my VERY homeless life. (no really)

As most of you know by now, I am currently homeless. I live in my car. It's been over a week and things have been going more smoothly then I expected. Living in a car is really pretty easy. I have been lucky though. I have the most amazing friends in the world. I have been able to sleep on a couch or bed nearly every night. People have fed me. People have sheltered me. It's been great. I have actually learned a lot. I was so naive before this experience. I am surrounded by people who truly care for me! I didn't realize that until now. 

So this is just a quick shout out to all of you who have been helping me in any way. I love you all so much! Thanks for making this experience so great! I will only be homeless for a few more weeks and I think it will be very rewarding! 

Love you all!

Swimming in $#*t? Not me.

So I just finished my last homework project of the semester. Tomorrow, I will present my portfolio at the Senior BFA Show and then I am done for this semester! This has by far, been the busiest 4 months of my life. With 18 credits and essentially 2 jobs, I have had little time for much else. But, it's actually been a REALLY good semester. I feel like I have accomplished a lot and defeated the monster! There were times I literally was not going to get things done, but somehow it always magically worked out. It may have meant several sleepless nights, but it worked out. 

I remember the week Jason, our Disney recruiter from Orlando, came to campus to do our big Disney presentation. It was right before spring break and midterms were that same week. I went over 60 hours with ZERO sleep in that week. Total I probably ended up with 6 hours of sleep that entire week! I look back and have no idea how that was even possible! I still can't believe I survived all of this.

I am just now starting to see the rewards for my hard work this semester. Last week, I was accepted for an internship with the Traverse City Film Festival this summer. I am thrilled to have received an actual Graphic Design position!

Today I took my Stats final. I spend over 8 hours in the Library yesterday studying. And guess what? I think I pulled it off. I feel confident that I did really well of that test!

A few weeks ago, I received a Grant for next year. This was miraculous news. I have worked by butt off to make it through college and all I ever saw was a disappearing bank account and growing debt. News of this grant brought me to tears. If there was ever a time in my life when I needed financial help, this is it.

So life has a funny way of working itself out. I don't know how it happens, but it does. My life is far from perfect, but I have no desire to focus on the negative. What is the point? Enough shit happens, I don't need to spend my time swimming in it.

You should have seen this by now, but just in case you haven't. . .

If you haven't heard of Susan Boyle yet, you must be living under a rock. In just under a week she has become the WORLDS obsession. And for good reason. Watch this video and you will be amazed! I have watched it at least a dozen times. I absolutely love this woman!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

I love that the world has fallen in love with Susan! I first saw this video on Tuesday when it had just over 4 million views on YouTube. I immediately began telling people about this amazing sensation. By yesterday, everyone I know was talking about Susan Boyle. Last night while someone was texting me about Susan Boyle, I heard the Susan Boyle video being played in the apartment above me. This morning, a customer came into work raving about Susan Boyle. Today, I was sent a link to websites selling Susan Boyle T-Shirts among other things. Oprah asked Susan Boyle to be on her show. Susan Boyle, you have become an international superstar faster then anyone in history! I love it!

One Second of Breath

There is not a whole lot to report on in my life. I FINALLY got an interview for an internship. It was a phone interview and I honestly don't know how it went. It was a very relaxed interview. We went over the description of the interview and the program, but she never actually asked me any of the typical interview questions. I don't know if this is a bad thing or a good thing. I know I didn't say anything stupid, so I am hoping for the best!

This last weekend was Easter weekend. On Friday night, I went to a Rock Band party in my apartment building. Then a big group of us went up the canyon and created a mini bonfire. We cooked hot dogs and roasted marshmallows. It was actually a BLAST! Most of the time, I really hate that there is nothing to do in Logan. However, nights like this remind me how fun this place can actually be. I am going to miss certain aspects of Logan when I leave. Nights up the canyon will definitely be one of those aspects.

I worked on Saturday where I had the most fun I have had at that job in probably close to a year. We got into an ice cream war and I left work covered in rocky road ice cream. Needless to say, I had some laundry to do.

After cleaning up, I left to Salt Lake City to visit some friends. We had a ton of fun that night. I actually met Britney Spears while we were out! Well. . . sorta. I do have the picture to prove it.

I then drove home to American Fork to spend Easter Sunday with the family. I went to church with them. It was interesting to see people from my childhood and have fake conversations with all of them. They never cared about me growing up, but now they all want to know what I am up to. People are interesting. I am not bitter or complaining. It was good to see people and talk to them. I just find human behavior intriguing at times.

Later that afternoon, we had dinner. It was amazing! I miss having home-cooked meals. It was so good to be able to spend time with my family. I love playing with the kids now too! I was trying all afternoon to take a nap, but my niece, Emilee, and nephew, Matthew, seemed determined to stop that from happening! It was fun though! I love being around little kids. They force me to remember a time when life wasn't so complicated.

I drove back to Logan Sunday night and have been going nonstop since then. Finals are in a couple weeks and I have a lot to get done before then. Combine that with increased hours at work, and you have one busy Curtis. Once I make it through these next two weeks, I can officially celebrate and breath for a second. I can't wait for that second. It's my last remaining motivation. That one second of breath.

What if the real world wont take me? Then what?

I decided today, that I need to do better at keeping up with these blogs. I was going to update my design blog tonight, but am being too lazy to scan in all my sketches. So I figured I could at least update this blog.

There is not too much going on in my life right now. I am staying pretty busy with school, but I am okay with that. Things have slowed down a little now that my Disney recruiting for this semester is almost over. I have been able to focus more on my design projects, which has been great. They keep me busy, but I love working on them.

Earlier today, I was looking up classes for Fall semester. I can't believe I am planning out my last semester of college EVER! It's been such a long journey to get to this point. When I graduated high school, I never imagined I would still be in college 6 years later. The last 6 years have taught me to not take my life plans too seriously. Things never go exactly as planned. I have also learned that it is that exact reason life is so wonderful.

Last week, I found a place to live in the fall. I am moving in with my old roommate Tim Ray and some other guys into a house. Yes! An actual house! I am stoked for that. It's going to be tons of fun. I have decided since my time left in Logan is actually pretty short, I really am determined to take advantage of all this little town has to offer. It's not the typical college town, but it definitely has some advantages. I plan on immersing myself in the Logan culture the rest of the year. There is so much here I have never done and I don't have a whole lot of time to do it all.

Time.

That  brings me to my next subject. There are less then 4 weeks until the end of the semester. I still have no internship set up. In fact, I don't have any job set up. In other words, I am screwed. I have no idea what I am going to be doing and that stresses me out a little. I have a couple options if an internship doesn't come along, but I don't really like either of them. So please pray that I get an internship. I have applied for over a dozen, but no luck so far. Today I actually applied for an internship with the Traverse City Film Festival. It's unpaid, but I still think it would be a great experience. Plus, my amazing friend Alix will be there! Me and her together for another summer pretty much equals FANTASTIC! And I will be closer to Kim too. I haven't seen her in almost 3 years, but she still completes me. haha. (inside joke).

If I get that internship, I kinda have a plan for the summer. I think I would be able to pull in off too. If I don't get that, it's an entire summer at Aggie Ice Cream or back to Disney. Staying for Aggie Ice Cream might just make me kill myself. That job has worn itself out. Sorry. It's fun, but I am burned out. A person can only scoop ice cream for so long before they start to lose their mind. Plus I feel like I am better then that now. I should be able to get an actual job. I am 23 years old and have talents that are NOT being used there. It's a great job while in school. It's convenient. But enough is enough. 

Going back to Disney would obviously be fun, but with their recent cutbacks, I am sure the hours would not be enough to get me through the summer. So both are bad options. I NEED an internship.

Really? That Long?

Okay. So today is the 31st of January. It was exactly 4 years ago today that my life began a journey that completely changed everything. I know, deep, right? Yeah, you guessed it. It was January 31, 2005 that I began my first day on the Disney College Program. But I have spoken enough about that. Everyone is sick of hearing the stories, so I will spare you for now. 

But this just got me thinking about how much my life has changed since that day. I am such a different person and am still in that changing process. But to see the steps I have made in the last 4 years is remarkable. Trust me, people I went to high school with would be in shock to know the person I am now. Its ALMOST night and day.

And so today, I celebrate life. I celebrate change. I celebrate friendships. I celebrate trials. I celebrate new places. I celebrate places from the past. I celebrate family. I celebrate Curtis. This is a good time to celebrate. I am just such a happy fellow these days. 

Well, that's all I really had. It's 2 a.m. and I quite frankly couldn't sleep so I came on here to ramble. It's been fun. Next time maybe I will have something important or at least funny to write.

It Is What I Am.

My life has changed a lot in the last few years. The most recent months of my life have been no exception. I have made decisions that have hurt a lot of the people closest to me. Contrary to what some believe, my decision to come out was not easy and it was not selfish. This was the most emotional, heart-wrenching decision of my life. The impacts are infinite. Nothing will ever be the same for me ever again. I know many of you are sad and/or disappointed that I have made this choice. i honestly don't know what to tell you. I could give a million reasons for why I think this is a good thing, but let's be honest, you wouldn't listen. it's not that you don't want to understand. It's just that you simply can't. For you, it is inconceivable that someone would give up so much. Everyone is entitled to their opinion about homosexuality. Whether it's a sin, a disease, a lifestyle choice, a biological defect, or whatever you chose to call it, it is what I am.

I wish everyone could know the emotions I feel. Because no matter how I say or write them, I will never do them justice. So instead of trying to convince you of my opinion of homosexuality and why I am gay, I just simply want to let you know who I am.

I would be lying to come out and say I am the same Curtis. Everyone always says that when they come out, but I don't buy it. I don't believe it. I am not the same person I was a few years ago. That person was scared and timid. I was living a lie and keeping deep secrets to myself hoping they would just go away or cure themselves. On the surface you didn't see it, but inside I was tearing myself to pieces every day. I cannot tell you how painful life was. It was a mistake to keep everything boiling up inside. That choice cause some serious damage. My pillow rarely saw a dry night. The thought of ending my life came far too close to transforming into action. The Curtis I am now is not the Curtis I was then. 

I can't say all my problems are gone or that they ever will be. However the person I am now is not afraid. I no longer keep all my emotions to myself. My life means something to me. I know I have purpose and potential. These are not traits that have appeared because I have chosen to come out as being gay. On the contrary, these traits led to me coming out. I don't want to be the person I used to be. He had some good aspects, but he was not himself. He was living a life only to please those around him. I promise to you i have not abandoned the positive aspects of that person. I have found that I can still be a good person AND be myself.

I still maintain a personal relationship with God. No one will EVER take that away from me. I recognize His hands in my life and am eternally grateful for all He has blessed me with.

I still love my family. Things with them are a little rough right now. I know this is hard on them. It would be extremely selfish of me to not acknowledge that this deeply affects them. I had a great childhood. I was raised in an amazing home. I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world. I will ALWAYS be here for my family regardless of our differences. I truly love them.

My friends are still extremely important to me. To those who are now uncomfortable with me, I just want you to know I still love you. I appreciate all the times we have shared and all you have taught me. my hope would be that our time together would continue, but I understand if you don't feel the same. I just want to thank you for everything anyway.

And for those of you who have stayed with me through all of this, I love you more then I will ever be able to express. I have needed you. I continue to need you. In those moments when I have lost all strength, you have picked me up and carried me through hell. I don't think you even know how much you have meant to me. Each of you! I sincerely mean that. If you are reading this and don't think it applies to you, I guarantee you are wrong. Trust me, the smallest of friendships have made some of the biggest impacts in my life.

I am still a dreamer and will never stop. I will pursue my dreams to the end. I am more determined then ever to make my life worthwhile. I want to leave my make and when this is all over I will have. Most importantly, I still love me a juicy burger and french fries!

My family, my friends, and whoever else may be reading this, I hope you understand I don't write any of this to make anyone feel bad for me. I don't need sympathy. I didn't write this to draw attention to myself. I wrote this in hopes that you might better understand why i decided to come out and most importantly, to let you know I still love you.

Curtis